Ima Gone

I don't want to have to see you happy...I can't even bare to see you smile.
Now-a-days I can't look in your eyes & well I can but it takes a while
Does it show?
Told a lot of white lies to hide it all...But they're beginning to break me down,
But I promise it's over now.

I'm gone.
I don't blame you at all. ..'Cause after all the of the things that you did for me
Got beaten by temptation
I Tried my best to keep it all together...Tryna take it back to where we were.
Never been too good at keeping secrets,..I'll Give you reasons but for what it's worth
Lemme go.
What the hell would make you look at me the same?
Used to say "We're unbrakeable."
But I just went & changed it all.

I'm gone.
Girl you're better off alone....I don't want you to see, the truth in me.

See If I told you ?..Could you live with that?
If I told you ?..Could you live with that?
I couldn't live with that! I couldn't live with that!
NO ! !

I'd rather give you no excuses at all.

You gave everything & honestly it's every fault of mine.
To beg you for forgiveness just seems wrong...See, leaving you is one thing
But you've got to realize:..Some things are best unspoken
So please don't ask me why.

* thnks being my folks .

I'm Bulletproof

you shout it loud..but i can't hear a word you say..i'm talking loud not saying much
i'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet..you shoot me down, but i get up..

i'm bulletproof nothing to lose
fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
you shoot me down but i won't fall

i am titanium…

cut me down..but is you who had further to fall
ghost town, haunted love
raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
i'm talking loud not saying much

stone-hard, machine gun..firing at the ones who rise
stone-hard, thus bulletproof

❤

Im Not Afraid Walk Alone . coz i'm titanium

I Feel So Alone, I Need to be Alone

I have a hard time jumping worlds. When I’m creating I want to stay there, in that bubble and not be interrupted for weeks sometimes. When I’m enjoying a smoke, a great conversation by phone, laughter, good food, travel, it’s hard to step over that invisible line and go into the quiet.

To our loved ones, it must feel like we have an invisible lover. The worst kind. You can’t go all crazy, pull a gun and threaten their life if they ever come near you and yours again. Art and the need to create crawls in the bed with you, settles in between the sheets, and draws on the minds and hearts of the creator in a dizzy, heady, sensual lure that few lovers could ever maintain.

And yet there’s nothing like it. The buzz that comes with a new idea. . Even the agony is ecstasy. I love it when I hate it. I long to get back to it more than I longed to take a break.

Tired _

When I was little and running on the race track at school, I always stopped and waited for all the other kids so we could run together even though I knew (and everybody else knew) that I could run much faster than all of them! I pretended to read slowly so I could "wait" for everyone else who couldn't read as fast as I could! When my friends were short I pretended that I was short too and if my friend was sad I pretended to be unhappy. I could go on and on about all the ways I have limited myself, my whole life, by "waiting" for people. And the only thing that I've ever received in return is people thinking that they are faster than me, people thinking that they can make me feel bad about myself just because I let them and people thinking that I have to do whatever they say I should do. My mother used to teach me "Cinderella is a perfect example to be" but I have learned that Cinderella can go fuck herself, I'm not waiting for anybody, anymore! I'm going to run as fast as I can, fly as high as I can, I am going to soar and if you want you can come with me! But I'm not waiting for you anymore.”

Sometimes

Everybody needs some alone time, or “personal space”, every now and then. We humans are naturally singular creatures. We communicate and interact with others by forming relationships, which have many important positive outcomes for our lives, but ultimately we are individuals and as individuals we need some time devoted solely to ourselves. This alone time is what helps us feel refreshed. It enables us to be selfish once in a while and truly focus on ourselves, which is a very good thing.

I did not think this really needed to be talked about until I was lunching with my lovely, soon-to-be-wife, Long story short, while we were talking over lunch, we came to the conclusion that not many people recognise their own need for some alone time, let alone respect others’ need for it, and most seem to consider it as a big black mark on their relationship.

Freedom

In my opinion, freedom is the most essential things in our lives because no one can control us when we are free. I always feel joyful and relaxing when I am free and I can do everything I want. As a result, I agree with this statement completely.
When I was a child, I often went to the beach with several good friends. We rambled on the beach and built castle with sand. In the evening, we caught crabs which usually hid under the big stone. Most of the crabs are really small, but they were very delicious after we roasted them. We played on the beach for the whole day and I only had enjoyment around me. I felt my life was so free that that beach reminded me a lot of valuable memories as well.
Our class invests all the DNS students to do a questionnaire which ask us what is the happiest things in our lives. About 80 percent of the students choose the option of freedom. This research indicates that most of the students attach importance to whether they are free or not, because many students feel stressful during the busy school day. Consequently, almost everyone wants to be freedom and enjoy a relaxing life.
In short, everyone wants to enjoy their lives and many white-collared workers often feel tired and stressful and they want to seek for free. For me, I feel pleasure when I spend time on my vacation or play with my friends, because nothing can bother me during these wonderful times.

Nope, No Way, No How

I'm rediscovering my ability to say NO.

It's not like I've never said it before. Goodness knows I say it a hundred times a week when my friend asks me if I can buy him the ' gula' (when he just got the week before).

And if you were to ask my ex, she's tell you I say NO to life, when really it's just that I say NO to her trampling all over my boundaries.

My latest accomplishment: saying NO to having my time wasted. At the upscale mall the other night, I passed one of the many kiosks with salespeople standing out front, trying to get the attention of passersby. Now, it's not like I've stopped at every single one of these when beckoned. However, I've always felt a teensy bit uncomfortable when demurring. Let's face it. I want to be liked. I don't want to be thought of as a bitch. There, now you know.

But the other night, when a Ibanes girl stepped out, made eye contact with me and said, "hye, may I ask you a question?" I looked her right in the eye and pointedly said NO.

And damn, that felt good.

time machine .

Miss with Skoll Uniform

Happiness, sadness and other emotions, or even love sick, we all can find in our school time. That's why school life is the best time in human life. It is different from university life and adult life, very different! As I showed you above, during this time, we will develop many things like physical development, emotions, relationships, and especially knowledge. Because school life only happens one time in your life (because you will grow up), so it is very precious. It marks a dramatic change in your whole life. Firstly, the faster physically you grow, the more you develop in mental. It marks your developing time to become a teenager. You are innocent and carefree. Materialistic is none of your concerns. You also have wild imagination, big dreams and ambitions to chase. But as a teenager, you will want to be more independent - which means you don't like to depend on your parents like a little child. And sometimes may be you will feel mature and rebellious. There are other things that you change in school time, but the best thing is you are yourself to do anything you want as you grow up.
Secondly, going to school also means you will have a lot of friends. There is nothing better than belonging to a great group of friends and nothing worse than feeling like an outcast. Friends are important, so during this time make as many friends as you can. They are shoulders for you to cry on when you are sad or happy so your sadness will be less, and your happiness will be twice. Talking about school time, you can never forget the time you share your sweet dreams to your friends, and they tell you theirs; the time you have fun with them playing on the school yard or going shopping or even playing truant together! ... No matter how good or bad those memories are, school time is still unforgettable with sweet friendship and platonic love. Going to school also means you will have new family, new moms who teach you many things about life. Your life will be colorful and beautiful!

my last pic . last day on school . my last uniform.

Sunshine

Hei Sunshine,

I’m trying to do something impossible here. What is it? No, it’s not moving a mountain, building a tower in a day, or stuff like that or buying you your dream bed set (it’s not impossible at all) :) Well, I’m trying to list 4 best moments I’ve had so far with you. Why is it impossible? Simply because I have tons of it and now I have to choose and highlight only 4!

~~So after several days thinking and contemplating, here is the list – not in particular order… btw, I’m doing little cheating here… You’ll see it :)~~

1. Late Night Call.

I Love the time when we have our night call for hours talking about everything; literally everything. Who the heck on earth could combine stories about today activity, works, friends, and poop in one conversation?! :D Why do I love it? Because I could get to know you better each day about what you do, how you think or feel of something, your life stories, what important for you in life, etc. So far sunshine, you’ve blown me away. Another reason is because it’s a great way to end up my day; doing something I love and talk to someone who can simply relieve me for all day burden by simply being you and myself. :)

2. Hugging you moment

No doubt this would be in the list! Time stops when this happened. I love the way you smell. Those choki-choki scents is just marvelous! :) But it’s not only about the smell. It’s about feeling being loved and a way for me to express my protection and care for you :) I love when you hug me tight like you will break all my bones and the way you lay your head on my shoulder. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell you what I’m thinking or feeling inside, and by hugging you I hope all those emotion transferred to you so you could understand it :) Remember once you asked me am I addicted to your ' cucut '? Well yes I think I am, because my love for you is adding more and more each day. :)

3. Meal together time

Either it’s at pantry or we have our meal at some restaurants it always a moment that I love. Do you remember that I often give you the first piece of our meal? I don’t do that to every one. the first piece of meal is the best one and it only deserve for a precious person, you :)

I don’t really care of what I’m eating. I don’t care if it tastes good or not. What I do care about is it is with you :) Having lunch with you at pantry is a precious moment to share stories from morning to mid day and also a moment when I can have more time to see you and listen to you. Oh one more thing; I love when you pick a food for me cause it makes me feel loved :) and having your mom’s cook, for me it’s a privilege :)

4. Each time having your message

Do you know how often I look at my phone just to find a blinking icon on the screen? I guess now I’m more attached to my phone than ever before; it’s your fault :) Do you know that you can easily fly me away just by send a morning message, or simply calling “kokoooooo…” , or saying take care when I’m on my way to work or home. I always love seeing my outlook blinking because an email from you. I love hearing “ping” sound of my phone because text from you. I think my speed can be compared to ninja when I’m picking up my phone each time I receive call from you :)

SCREW THIS DAY

I’m sorry, but if you don’t know my girlfriend, I really don’t think you need to know our personal business! I mean I don’t go snooping around your so called “sex life” or even ask about your relationship’s so I really don’t think you need to know about mine! Is that too much to ask for? Really? Because, unlike you, I don’t have to show my love in purely physical ways, I show my love by RESPECTING the other person. Yes, I may have screwed up some things “to the point of no return.” But, I really don’t want to hear what the girs think about me now. I don’t want to hear that they think I am a bad, when we didn’t have sex, and she may have told you that BUT IF YOU ARE A REAL FRIEND, you wouldn’t have told me that IF YOU WERE A REAL FRIEND you would have known that I would just be hurt and have a horrible rest of the day IF YOU WERE A REAL FRIEND you would support my decisions and not critique them unless it was harming me IF YOU WERE A REAL FRIEND you wouldn’t basically also call me a whore by telling me I need to carry condoms because IF YOU WERE A REAL FRIEND, you would care about my feelings…NOT just your own and not just to have someone to poke fun at because I AM A PERSON, I may not be perfect, but who is? I have made mistakes, but IF YOU WERE A REAL FRIEND you would also know that I plan on not making them again.

THANK YOU.

Her

she is stealing my best friend. she is sneaking in and stealing her just because she has changed to be her friend. she is trying to be something she isnt. although i cant talk much since im completely different at home and at school. but school is the real me. which people dont understand. idk. i really dont know what to do.

Too much of a good thing?

I don’t understand, you hated her so much you were gonna move out. you told me later when we were all friends that you would be friends with her BUT “I will never trust her. Ever.” That’s exactly what you said to me. In all honesty i think you just like having someone to talk shit to all the time. You talk shit about her to me and to her about me. You were dead set on her not living with us and now she is. You just seem to like her so much more, but i mean i have been your friend since the beginning of the school year, and she just now came in the picture, so now your gonna hate on me? WTF?! that’s just not how you treat someone that was there for you when you were homesick ALL last semester. and when you cried about your hair. ALL THE TIME! and i have just turned into a doormat. i just let people walk all over me and i never say anything to them, ever. I just let people treat me like absolute dog shit. I heard y’all talk about me the other day. yes i know i have changed. but i have changed from what people expect me to be into what I WANNA BE. and I’m not gonna let anyone take that away. for once i do what i wanna when i want to. and I’m gonna keep doing it.
and you can just be a hypocrite and tell me it reflects poorly on you when i kiss girls, when i do recall you made out with 2 girl. so just cuz you do something that makes it okay? yeah don’t think so. not at all. they have a word for that bitch, its hypocrite and they get their karma. yes they do. and you’ll get your karma for cheating and lying. he should be your whole world, and instead you go behind his back and talk to everyone! and yeah its hard being apart, something ill never understand, but damn you gotta deal with life sometimes! so just suck it up and deal like everyone else! Okay?? No i don’t know what your going through, no i don’t have a girlfriend at home, no i don’t have girls falling all over me, but i am happy with what i get, Its what you have to be. happy with what you get.
so just be happy and if you don’t want me in that tell me.

my story without knowing me

Dear whoever is reading this, I understand how rough things are right now. I just want to let you know that things will get better, I promise. Keep holding on just a little bit longer. I know you feel like nobody really cares. You’re wrong, stop denying it. I care, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this. You’re not alone, we may be miles away but we’re all going through the same things. Please keep holding on.

_A man with only one lip_

Salam . haha .. rajinkan aku .. erm .. kali ni aku rasa terbuka tuk menyatakan sesuatu tentang dunia.

' Free thinker' atau Pemikir Bebas

pa tu..?..

Lepas aku tengok video bab-bab 'Iluminati' ni .. (the Arrivals episod 2)

ada satu yang aku anggap cerdik pandai .. Nama beliau ..

George Caldin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008)..

comedian, actor and author, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on language, psychology and religion as well as some taboo subjects.

banyak kata-kata beliau yang wat aku rasa terpanggil tuk berfikir sesuatu . Mengenai goverment ... isu - isu dunia dan paling penting sekali tentang DUNIA ..

ada beberapa kata-kata beliau yang aku rasa kagum dengan beliau ..

contohnya..

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

3.I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

Entah la .. kadang berfikiran terbuka perlu tuk semua org . xpatut kita biarkan kita berfikir jumut atau berfikira dalam kotak kita sendiri..try la buka 'kotak' n lihat keliling kita.

tpi ingat .. jgn buat keterbukaan akal fikiran kita buat akidah kita rosak.

Akal yang baik berlandaskan ilmu dan akidah yang baik .

p/s aku berkata bukan tuk mengajar ,,tpi untuk kita yang berfikiran bebas .

_a lonely road _

I walk a lonely raod the only road that i have ever known.

salam . haha . rajinkan aku undate blog .. kali ni entri aku bercerita tentang diri aku ..nak baca ..?.. maseh sbb baca .. xnk baca..?.. aku x keseh .. bkan ko yg tulik kan ..?..

.. starting point aku skrg ..

dunia sekarang ni .. banyak ragam manusia ..koragn pun pham kan ..

Hipokrit . ni yang aku tekan skrang..

aku dah banyak kali kena bab-bab camni ..

rasa-rasanya aku dah immune sal org-org camni ..

kedang-kadang aku sakit hati gak ngan org cmni .. perlu meh dorg wat cmtu..?..

dan kadang-kadang aku nak gak tau apa reason dorg wat camtu ..?.

erm .. napa mesti ngan aku .. ?. aku x pemes la syg .. aku x da apa2 .. tpi napa mesti aku ..?..

xda org lain ..?..

g mampus la kehidpuan ko ..g jahanam la cara pemikiran ko ..

jujur aku ckap..aku xsuka ! ..kalo x suka .. cakap..kalo benci ckap..napa nk tipu2 ..

ko ingat aku hati apa..?..hati ayam..?.. dui..pham la cikit .. ko pompuan aku lelaki ..

see..?..nampakkan beza skrg..?.. xnmpak..?.. kalo ko xnmpak..mmg patutu aku ckap ko hipokrit .

p/s jgn kesah sal aku .. sbb aku IMMUNE ngan org cam kmu.

_Love cant FORCE _

- Mohd Farid Mustapa -

salam .. hye .. yg tengah baca skrg ni .. aku tulis entri ni bkan nk minta puji o apa .. just nk tulis sumthing yang aku rasa aku nk share ngan kamu yg baca skrg ni ..

erm .. soal apa erk..?.. soal cinta..?.. aku rasa x .... soal duit..?.. sory..aku da cukup duit ....

skrg ni aku just nk ckap soal hidup aku sendiri .. nk bicara soal hidup org lain ..wat pa.. bkan dorg yg penat tulis..kan..kan ..hihi..

skrg ni aku nk bicara soal hidup aku ..

ya..aku student Politeknik Mukah Sarawak ..erm .. first time datang sarawak ..hihi .. erm ..

ok story begin .

semenjak aku guna nama ' Antrax Full Deck ' aku rasa aku teruk sgt .. xtau napa .. trus terang .. aku sendiri xtau kenapa aku rasa teruk camni .. even org yang sayang aku sendiri cakap aku camtu .. erm .. apa salah aku erk..?..napa org dalam friendlist aku camni ar ..?..aku ni teruk sgt ka ..?..bnyak viewer kat fb aku kata aku ni jaat .. garang .. pemarah .. tpi dorg xtau.. sapa aku sendri .. kadang-kadang rasa cam down sgt ..

korang tau x apa salah aku..?..

erm .. skrg ni .. Mama n Papa aku g Umrah ( 29 April 2012 ).. rindu aku ngan dorng . Ahad ni (1 April 2012)

aku ngan geng DNS n DIP g Kuching .. semangat gila mo g sana .. haha ..tpi aku rasa cam x best sbb maybe ada benda yg x baik jadi d sanan nnti ..

lupakan soal rindu aku ngan family aku .. lupkan sal enjoy dlu ..

Sekarang . aku xtau .. aku ni bodoh o apa .. erm .. ya .. aku ngan dia jauh .. aku d Sarawak.. dia d Sabah ..

can we made it..?..

aku xtau .. susah nk ckap .. sbb suma ni terjawab bila wujudnya kepercayaan masing-masing..

Bodo..?..

erm .. aku xmo camni .. aku nk kita sama-sama cuba .. kita tak tau g apa jadi masa akan dtg ..kan..kan ..

erm ..

apapun jadi pasni .. aku try lupakan dia .. sebab sumanya dah jelas ..damn it !